From the world of science, Albert Einstein look-alike endorses both games.

Reprinted with permission from The Scientific German.

WINNER OF EINSTEIN LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST ENDORSES WELFARE GAME

After taking more than ten minutes to praise the curative properties of the board game “Public Assistance: Why Bother Working for a Living?” for those suffering from the malaise of liberalism, a jubilant Harry Pitts today accepted a $100,000 check from the Albert Einstein Look-Alike Foundation as its 2005 winner. The foundation awards huge sums annually to men who look like the great scientist and humanitarian.

“I’ve slept now for more than 35 years with my face inside a plastic Einstein mold,” Pitts said. “In an eminent and unique sense, I’ve been working toward this honor most of my life,” the 55-year-old featherweight prizefighter added.

Pitts said that he thought it was too bad there wasn’t a foundation that gave a cash award for the person most shaped like a pear, because he felt confident his wife could win it. “She needs something like that to boost her self-esteem,” he said.

The real Albert Einstein was born in Brooklyn, New York in 1879. To throw biographers off base, he covered his Brooklyn “twang” with a thick, fake German accent. He put on his first mustache with a felt-tipped pen.

Young Einstein kept to himself most of the time. If we look at Brooklyn during his youth as a kind of a train, Albert was that community’s social caboose. He studied in local schools, read local books, and avoided local people until that famous day in 1903 when he published his extra-special and general theories of relativity.

His extra-special theory with extra double cheese revolutionized physics by boldly positing for the first time that T = M, T standing for Time, and M for Money.

His general theory of relativity was the first to put light, magnetism, entropy, gravity, friction, fire, speed, acceleration, air, mass, spin, somersaults, shadow, space, water, wind, flux, time, and (some say) many unnecessary platitudes all into the same equation. In layperson’s terms, his equation proved that Time (T) is Nature’s (N) way of keeping Everything (E) from Happening (H) at Once (O).

Einstein Look-alike Winner
Harry Pitts

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