Should you buy these great games now? Check your . . .

Personalized Horoscope

By Gene Dixon

AQUARIUS Long-range relationship may be somewhat marred by unexpected social faux pas. This weekend at your local tavern you will meet a winking swashbuckler with the incoherent loquacity of a nervous dental patient. Ignore the idle opinions of the crowd and listen to what this radical dissembler has to tell you about the Economy Version of Public Assistance: Why Bother Working for a Living?

PISCES You have now entered a cycle for entertaining jaundiced opinions and dallying conduct. Deal with panting eagerness on the part of your subordinates with ironic sentimentalism. Opportunely contrived mental gymnastics may lead to oratorical displays and perhaps even oracular utterances. Good luck abounds after you buy the Welfare Game.

ARIES Check Leo message for waggish sapience. At Sunday brunch, you will meet a naïve humanist whose sister has been jailed for jaywalking. Don't let this person talk you into posting bail. When you are stopped for speeding, make sure you tell the police officer how easy it is to order the Economy and Deluxe Editions of the Welfare Game, how inexpensive they are, and how much fun they are to play. You will get a smile and pleasant conversation instead of a ticket.

TAURUS What you had thought to be a new and overmastering impulse turns out to be a trite manifestation of fussy diffuseness, a mere figment of a bad poet's fancy. Your day, like the week, the month, the year, and your whole life will remain monotonous and colorless unless you play Public Assistance: Why Bother Working for a Living? with your friends.

GEMINI Lunar cusp highlights feeble dribble, feverish bewilderment, fictitious pretexts, fidgety impatience, flat denials, flaunting insolence, furtive glances, and fumbling endeavors. Your co-workers continue to contend like ants for little molehill realms. Stop slinking like a snail, unwillingly to your desk. Make the ill-behaved clods around you jealous by playing the great welfare game at your desk during lunch.

CANCER Do not treat with indifference any impotent desperation you may encounter in a middle-aged sharecropper. Today is a day of glaring improprieties. Make the most of them. Suggesting frivolous expedients actually enhances your reputation late in the evening. Your in-depth knowledge of the welfare empire conspiracy to ban the welfare game impresses all your friends. Don't let them see your copy of the game. Make them buy their own copy.

LEO Even though you may prefer to indulge certain facetious propensities today, hold off. Now is more the time to gather a band of enthusiastic adherents and loose their eager animosities at targets beneficial to your career advancement. Buy the Welfare Game for your aged rich uncle's birthday, and he will change his will, leaving everything to you.

VIRGO This is a day to dump the doubts, develop a game plan, dare to dream of total success, take a lesson from the super-achievers, zero in on the target, makes things happen, blaze your own trail, break out of the lineup, demand the advantage, improve your people skills, and abandon the bean-counter syndrome. No more nightmares: play Public Assistance: Why Bother Working for a Living? in the evening and you will sleep like a baby throughout the night.

LIBRA Get rid of the porridge-colored overcoat. Wear a Persian lamb ambassador hat and a burgundy cowhide biker's jacket over a pencil-thin black satin tunic. Wear this outfit while playing the welfare game; it will make you a more confident game player. Friends see you as elegant, convincing, and irresistible. Your critics are illogical and stupid.

SCORPIO Your earnestly espoused views are way off base. Take stock before eccentric casualists subject you to near-endless dissertations on the need for empirical corroboration. Transit of Uranus highlights this droll incongruity: your Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, and Capricorn friends have all purchased and have been playing the Great Welfare Fraud Game. Why haven't you?

SAGITTARIUS Inarticulate lispings impair your prestige. Loitering, heartsick, and reluctant magician may cast a love spell on you while you're in a whimsical and passionate mood. A taint of megalomania makes you vulnerable to false prophet's quackery, although shouts of approval may be heard mixed with a tinge of mockery. You will become a Welfare Game expert.

CAPRICORN Prepositional phrases dominate as you seem to be embarrassed by timidity, encouraged by success, enjoined by religion, enriched by gifts, haunted by visions, refuted by reason, fettered by systems, fired by wrath, guided by instinct, influenced by caution, clogged by bran, assailed by conscience, and impelled by duty to purchase that Classic Welfare Fraud game.